Finally right? i have a job now and i like it. each day i come home tired with aching feet to a relaxing environment knowing that i did something rather than dwell on the past. its something i have been trying to suppress for the longest time and it just keeps coming back. in fact i want to be at work right now, its only so i dont have to think about it. sometimes i wish i could just go to school, go to work and go home to sleep. no drama, and no pain to deal with. but hey this is reality when will this really happen? everyone at work, i mean employees not guests are friendly and helpful. since im still new i really dont know much, so they are always able to help when i need. guests are not the friendliest tho. i think my co-worker is right, guests dumb down when they go to the theaters and their all either hella nice or hella anal. its always nice to see the guests smile back and say thank you or give a nice friendly gesture. but its hella fucking funny to see anal and stupid retarded guests. its the complaining and the stories that we all have to tell to each other that makes the job fun. hey its shit pay but its an easy job. i like it a lot tho.

school is no fun tho, although im doing very well, well considering im passing even though the tests are impossible, but im doing good enough to say im going to pass that classes with flying colors. hopefully my asame teacher, well the substitute doesnt actually read the essays and gives everyone an "a" because its supposed to be an easy class. duh? i think so.

It’s a lie to say you have let go of the past.
Nobody lets go of memories.
Each tear is an unforgettable memory.
Each smile is an undeniable mark.
Each heartbeat is an inerasable sore because really, there is no such thing as forgetting only
Accepting and changing

i always thought that as time passes by, each bad memory will be blocked, and each good memory will be cherished, remembered forever. after this quote i thought about it and all those suppressed feelings, those that i thought i have forgotten, came spilling out, each day i dont have work or school i dwell on what went wrong or why. its something i understood but never accepted. no not even, i dont understand, and i still havent accepted it. a while back during the summer i thought it was gone, gone forever. i was happy when i went to vegas and la. i didnt think about it, all i did was concentrated on how much fun it is, and what i would do with friends when i get back. maybe its school that brings upon bad memories that i havent accepted yet? there is most definitely more than just this memory that is bad, but hey ive accepted it, i have moved on but why cant i accept this one? the thing is that this is all less than one year ago, everything just came crashing down, i dont cry over, the thing is its like some kind of drug, the ones that make you feel like fucking shit all the time. can i accept it anytime soon? hopefully. can i go to work and focus on work instead? hell yea. whens the next time i go to work? i have no fucking idea

too bad
bad memories get to stay afloat