love anyone?

maybe all my blog posts are about me complaining about whats wrong with my life, i try to outlook but it doesn't work. i haven't felt this bad in a while, maybe what i did wrong before was getting to attached, and its true. i find myself or maybe its more i fear of being lonely. ive had many close friends leave me and it seems likely the reason. i look everywhere there are all these best friend relationship and friends who hang out all the time rather than hype then after its over it declines to a oh i havent talked to you in a while. and then theres the relationships. sometimes i feel so bad, i never had the experience, is it because im just a friend? or do i look bad to go out with? well who knows the reason but it always feels like there is something missing. they are always there for you, help you overcome your problems and stay with you through thick and thin. be your guardian angel and you be theirs. but i never dated anyone, bothered to be heartbroken, went through the trouble and happiness of all the times a couple spend together. an empty void that hurts me. everyone always complains oh my girlfriend/boyfriend is so annoying me, she/hes being so stupid or whatever. i take a second to think and all the time i always want to tell them. "your so lucky you at least have someone you can talk to all the time, laugh with and just be there for you" as my philosophy teacher says "falling in love is just reminding your self that you can actually love" first of all how does that feel? im always reminded that im lonely when i go out, especially working. everyone is either married or has a kid and a boyfriend or married and have a boyfriend. and guests that come by thats even worse. pda everywhere and their always like "no theres someone else". sigh guess being this way will suffice. im going to learn how to dance tho. its a passion and watching people enjoy dancing and entertaining people, now its a good feeeeling. to dance away emotions, to release the burdens and embrace happiness like no other. thats how i want to feel.

will work for love - Usher